Monday 21 May 2012

How Our Fears Get In the Way of Our Dreams.


Have you ever talked yourself out of achieving a goal before you even finished the thought of ever achieving it?  Did it ever start something like this?  “I would really love to one day be a motivational speaker…but that’s dumb because I don’t have really anything exceptional to share with anyone and why would anyone have any interest in what I have to say?  I would just look stupid.”  And so it ends there. 

As a life coach and weight-loss counselor, I always find when working with clients that the first task is to overcome the negative self-image and remove the self negative talk.  Most of our challenges are actually our own illusion of our own mind.  We recoil due to fear.  However, we confuse real true fear with anxiety, worry and false fear that are based upon our memory of an undesirable event or incident.  We tend to give energy and power to this fear which takes energy and power away from our desires and wants. 

I am not trying to simplify fear but want to break it down in order for us to truly understand where it is coming from.  Many people may not be aware of it but fear is constantly ringing in our ears and weighing on our minds influencing our decisions.  Yes, there is the true threat of danger which your body and mind will automatically take over and protect you at all costs.  But let’s talk about fear in the way it threatens our self-esteem, the unhealthy fear.  We have this fabulous imagination; however, sometimes it likes to give us worse-case scenarios which we tend to believe.  An example is that you are looking for a life partner to share your life with but you don’t want to look or portray that you are desperate so you just stay in your comfortable surroundings at home and eat junk food all night. Instead of going out socializing or meeting new people, you sit at home unhappy and lonely.  Now it looks pretty clear here that the inaction is leading to some undesirable results.  It can even look clear to the person in that particular situation but fear of rejection and humiliation is very strong preventing him or her to take that leap.  This is the fear that keeps us stuck and unhappy.

I encourage you to write down your worse-case scenarios in moving forward with your goals and pick them apart. Is everything you imagined going endlessly wrong an accurate prediction?  Will you recover from the perceived trauma?  Now write down what you would do with your life if you did not feel the emotion of fear.  Now yes, there is the healthy fear but I am talking about the neurotic fear that keeps us down.  Remember that the lower your self-esteem, the easier you can be controlled and this is mostly because of our own thoughts and self-perceived fears.

My hope here is to help you realize that you and your false fears can be your biggest obstacles.  Yes, you may be met with challenges but they are necessary for growth and confidence-building.  I had my victories and I had my defeats but both are just as valuable in my growth and learning.  Explore and accept the fact we all have our doubts, worries and fears but don’t let them take charge of your life.  Do not kneel or bow to your false fears and let it take away the chance to a better life.

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Treena Wynes, BSW, RSW

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